Barely Sarcasm

Say it to my face, alright? I'm here with earth shattering and world rattling news. That's right. This week I'm taking on all the dark, unreal, surreal and crazy news stories that are important and/or relevant to all of our lives. And yes. I am barely sarcastic during the whole thing.

Oh, and you know what else happens this week? WE have an amazing guest this week. My GF's oldest best friend is on the show (pictured above on a boat with my GF like back in 1991.) Yes. Why? He's a guru of nomadic stellarship space dust who just landed in LA from Hawaii. You know why? Because it's amazing. Just listen. We have stories on jokes on jokes with stories. They are in sandwiches - a la the sandwich islands? Yes again.

Do you love it? Do you?  I would if I were you. But then again, if I were you I'd also... Email me, BUY THE NEW ZIPPER RECORD, fax me (206-888-6787), twitter at me, check out the blog and  subscribe on itunes!

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WELCOME TO SEASON 2: ELECTRIC NEW GALOO!

That's right. I have fungeons and comedies and loves and musics and what not. I encourage you to go listen to the HALLOWEEN PODCAST from last week. It's avail just below this one. And then... Oh - I got something new!

1.) A new SONGIFY SONG by Adam Malamut as written by me, J$ and produced on Steve Pomerantz's phone in Rick Caplan's apartment!

2.) QUICK LAUGHS!  (that's right, real jokes by a real jokester!)

3.) A COMMERCIAL FOR DRAGON SPEECH RECOGNITION TYPING SOFTWARE. (Darren shows up)

4.) A couple jokes with varying results.

5.) A half-assed movie review for THE CHANGELING (2008) Starring Angelina Jolie and the guy from BURN NOTICE.

6.) I tell an extremely quiet joke.

7.) BAD ASS OF THE WEEK: The gay black guy that works at the market across the street from my house.

8.) LIES ABOUT MY BONER (AKA FALLACIES ABOUT MY PHALLUS)

9.) Finally, I wrap up by making a Michael Hutchence reference, playing some SPACEHOG and giving insight to what's happening next week... Then I beg for correspondence:

Did you know I'm a maven of music, correspondence and flavor? get involved and do something to get in touch with me! Here's how:

Email me, BUY THE NEW ZIPPER RECORD, fax me (206-888-6787), twitter at me, check out the blog and  subscribe on itunes!

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Hey there Hallowieners!

I got a new nugget for you. The official BARELY SARCASM PRACTICING STAND-UP COMEDY ALONE IN MY BATHROOM IN FRONT OF A MIRROR PODCAST Halloween show.

Yeah, it's better than god damn anything you've ever imagined or expect... so... Try to like it more than that. You can't. Here, here's a sample:

So listen up and tell your friends - it's less than 10 minutes, it's more than 5 and it's ALL ABOUT ENTERTAINMENT!!!

And don't forget about doing your due-diligence...

Email me, BUY THE NEW ZIPPER RECORD, fax me (206-888-6787), twitter at me, check out the blog and  subscribe on itunes!

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ANGRY PODCASTER IS ANGRY.  This week I just don't pull any punches.  I love you guys, but this is all about tough love and lessons in life. The world is a shitty place with terrible people who want to stab you in the heart and watch you suffer.  Or worse, they're indifferent to you. Those fucks are wastes of space. How many people do you know that just "live" huh?  Contribute something or GTFO, losers.  Alright. You guys know what it's about. Kiss my LIPS. #lovingyouviolently

1.) AHHHHHHHH

2.) SO FUCKING ANGRY - HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF...

3.) MAKING FUN OF MY DOG (Zephyr)

4.) McLovin' gets Pwn3d in BAD-ASS OF THE WEEK (that's right Christopher Mintz-Plasse is on the show)

5.) Lies about my Boner

6.) I hate the Metallica album ST. ANGER

7.) I storm off angrily.

Support me because I'm at least doing something, you shits. FuuuuuCK.  Email me, BUY THE NEW ZIPPER RECORD, fax me (206-888-6787), twitter at me, check out the blog and  subscribe on itunes!

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Shhh... I know you're sad that I wasn't here last week.  Come on, you know it has nothing to do with how much I love you or anything like that... It's just - I've had a really hard time with my workload lately... My lady's mom was in town last week, it was her birthday (the lady's), I had a deadline on the novel I'm writing... Y'know - it's been really crazeballs, okay?  I just... I just want to get back to the way it used to be.  So hold my hand, sniff my neck and listen up to this schedule!

1.) I tell you why you should take me back (Boyz II Men style)

2.) Ryan Purtill puts me on the spot to make jokes about A SIXTEEN POUND BABY THAT WAS BORN IN TEXAS!

3.) STUPID JOKES!

4.) Listener Mail!

5.) BAD ASS OF THE WEEK: George Michael

6.) LIES ABOUT MY BONER (AKA: Fallacies about my Phallus)

7.) The Brand New Old Timey Radio Drama:  PODCATS

And then I just blow kisses and beg you to take me back again and always.  I'm not doing this for anyone but you, guys... so make it worth your own while and enjoy.  Sit back, have a glass of wine, run a bath, light some candles... and listen to the podcast.

Email me, BUY THE NEW ZIPPER RECORD, fax me (206-888-6787), twitter at me, check out the blog and  subscribe on itunes!

*musicthisweekby: BOYZ II MEN, JARVIS COCKER, ACTION CAMP and as usual... ZIPPER*

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It's week 18, and I'm soaking wet with anticipation... Let's just get to it, kids.

1.) Introduction and explanation of why my shit was down for a few days last week (and I blame Pilot).

2.) QUICK LAUGHS (these laughs are crazeballs... and sometimes stupid)

3.) Part two of the Radio Melodrama PODCATS!

4.) Lies about my Boner (Aka Fallacies about my Phallus!) *Featuring jokes co-written by staff writer BORIS REVECHKIS!

5.) BAD ASS OF THE WEEK:  Noel Gallagher

6.) There's a guest in the bathroom:  JUSTIN FIELDING.  The writer/director of INVENTORY THE MOVIE (twitter: @inventormovie)

7.)Then I blow kisses and bid you adieu!  (also, follow Ben - my bandmate - on Twitter... @wickedhahd)

You can't kiss the lipless and you can't fake a sneeze, not on my watch.  Love you guys! Don't forget to contact me so I don't feel so alone! Email me, BUY THE NEW ZIPPER RECORD, fax me (206-888-6787), twitter at me, check out the blog and  subscribe on itunes!

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Hey there, Steve Buscemi (that's you).  How are you? I'm damn fine.  So damn fine that I produced an episode of podcast this week that might be one of the best things that anyone haw ever heard.  It MIGHT BE... It also might just be the best thing ever on earth in the world of the interweb podcast stuff... who's to say?  Oh shit, what do we have this week?

1.) I tell a TRIBUTE JOKE to my Grandmother (who died on Friday) and Clarence Clemons (who died on Saturday)

2.) QUICK LAUGHS (Animal Edition!?)

3.) LIES ABOUT MY BONER (AKA FALLACIES ABOUT MY PHALLUS!)

4.) Bad Ass of the week CLINT EASTWOOD tells a joke!

5.) PILOT BACON is a guest in the bathroom!  We talk animals, Mad About You, Paul Reiser, Her Moving, Her Jeopardy Story, Roscoe, Her Job and silly stuff!

6.) I say my MAXIMUM SWEARING farewell to all of you and give you big ups and love.

7.) A movie review for the movie INVENTORY!

Hit me up, sexy beasts (Ben Kingsleys)... Email me, BUY THE NEW ZIPPER RECORD, fax me (206-888-6787), twitter at me, check out the blog and  subscribe on itunes!

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Hey there booty shakers and pacemakers!  I got a sizzle-sauce of a show this week.  I did an amazing interview yesterday with Pilot (Follow her @pilotbacon on twitter or on tumblr here) but there was also some other fun stuff that happened yesterday. In particular, the Boston Bruins won a tough fought game against the Vancouver Canucks... Why's that important?  Because I drunkenly bought tickets to fly to Vancouver right after that happened.  What's that mean for you? A shorter podcast.  What's that mean for me?  Fun in Canada!  So let's get to it, what's up this week?

1.) I make excuses.

2.) QUICK LAUGHS!

3.) I talk about the Real Housewives shows I want to see...

4.) DAMONATOR AXED ME SOME QUESTIONS (so I answer them here on the podcast!)

5.) Bad ass of the week (My Girlfriend) LAUREN M. BROCK tells me what her favorite temperature is.

6.) LIES ABOUT MY BONER (AKA Fallacies about my Phallus)

7.) I perform part of an overly dramatic monologue that I wrote for you.

8.) Darren tells me that it's time to go and I bid you adieu.

I'm flying to Canada, you guys.  I'm flying to Canada! Email me, BUY THE NEW ZIPPER RECORD, fax me (206-888-6787), twitter at me, check out the blog and  subscribe on itunes!

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I did it you guys. I made it to week 15, and I don't even feel sad about anything yet. Want to know why? WE HAVE AN AWESOME SHOW THIS WEEK! Want some proof?

1.) Introduction by the master of disaster himself, J$ in which he pays humble tribute to some of our lost listeners.

2.) QUICK LAUGHS!  (that's right, real jokes by a real jokester!)

3.) A COMMERCIAL FOR THE BEST MEAT PRODUCT EVER!  BUY IT TODAY (not a real commercial)

4.) Questions that can't be answered... (Who knows!?)

5.) LIES ABOUT MY BONER (AKA FALLACIES ABOUT MY PHALLUS)

6.) There's a guest in the bathroom!  The Highly Sophisticated and Remarkably Astute Kimmi Page!  Note: She was skyping us from a long time ago in a galaxy far far away (Indiana), so her audio is a bit galactic and every once in a while it would cut out (maybe due to Gremlins). We talk about Star Trek, Shatner, Her Dad, Fox Mulder, Video Games, Moving, THE OFFICIAL FOOD OF THE WEEK PIEROGIS! And per usual, Darren helps out with music, research and tech support... and Ewok gets shouted out again.

7.) Finally, I wrap up by taking some fucking responsibility and doing my duty as an online personality and begging you for stuff and help...

Listen to the Last Podcaster Standing and/or follow them on twitter @lastpodstanding

Last but not least - TORNADOES… Brimfield, donate, etc.

Text REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation Call 1-800-RED CROSS or Donate online HERE.

Contributions may also be sent to: American Red Cross Pioneer Valley Chapter 506 Cottage St. Springfield, MA 01104

And if you want to send me love (or hate)... Email me, BUY THE NEW ZIPPER RECORD, fax me (206-888-6787), twitter at me, check out the blog and  subscribe on itunes!

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Holy poon-cop!  We have a show of shows this week.  It's pompously preening and sexually deviant. It's jokes and laughs and guests and gaffes!  Want proof?

1.) Intro - like it or hate it, learn to love it because it's the best thing going today. (I'm drunk)

2.) NEWS JOKE:  The Assassination of Osama Bin Laden wasn't the USA's first attempt!

3.) DOMESTIC NEWS! (the humble brag)

4.) The tale about the houseboy and the local Mexican gardeners.

5.) THE ASK BOX! Starring Mason (email me or fax or message me to get your question answered!)

6.) BAD ASS(ES) OF THE WEEK!  RICK CAPLAN and ROBIN ZIBELLI

7.) A TRUE STORY ABOUT AN OLD LADY AND HER GROCERY BOY! (I think)

8.) LIES ABOUT MY BONER (aka Fallacies about my phallus)

9.) GUEST IN THE BATHROOM!  Part 2 of my drunk and fucked up interview with Josh Androsky: @shutupandrosky on twitter.  By the way - we talk NAME DROPPING AND CELEBZ SPOTTING! Yep! JOHN DIMAGGIO (Bender from Futurama), Andy Dick, Karaoke and MAYBE Andrew Dice Clay.

10.) POD CATS: PART I (this is the first installment of a new Sci-Fi mini-series radioshow) *artwork for podcats done by LAUREN M BROCK!

And that's all guys.  Fuck it.  I don't care.  It was fun for me. Do everything at the bottom of this page and I love you. x0x0x, thanks!

Email me, BUY THE NEW ZIPPER RECORD, fax me (206-888-6787), twitter at me, check out the blog and  subscribe on itunes!

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